Big Girl Panties

It's over. I apologize but I am too drained and too exhausted to rehash it all. What I will tell you right now is that I am blessed. Yesterday was, by far, the worst day of my life. I will certainly go into more detail very soon so that others can learn from my experience. But for now, I will tell you that I came home yesterday and took care of my baby. I played with her, fed her, laughed with her and then tucked her in. I then sobbed. Like, tenth-grade-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me sobbing. And I got it all out because I knew that when I woke up today, it was the beginning of the rest of my life.

Time for some big-girl panties. No more crying (at least not ever, ever in front of my daughter). No more second guessing myself, no more doubts, or regrets, or I-should-have's. Time to face the cards I've been dealt, realize all I do have, and stop allowing him to steal joy from my life.

I created a Note on my phone that says, "She is here. She is healthy. She is mine." It will be my reminder. My kick in the ass when I need it. There are parents that would sell their souls to be in my position - to have a healthy, happy baby here that they "just" have to share. There are parents like my new friend, J, who have been through hell (real hell - not family court hell) and back AND dealt with what I am dealing with - and come through heads and shoulders above 99% of the people I know. This encourages me. These people inspire me. 

How dare I wallow? How can I have the nerve to spend another minute feeling badly for myself? I cannot. And so today, Juliette and I's future began again. I have the best blessing I have ever been given. And that is what I will think about lying in bed at night. My baby girl.

Love,
Momeo and Juliette
XOXO