Some people may think, "then why are you doing that? Why can't you agree with him?" Well, I just cannot. He wants so many things that I am opposed to for so many reasons. Here are some examples:
- Overnights: He wants them either now or at 1 year old. By 18 months old, he wants her for two consecutive nights. At 2 1/2 years old, he wants her for a full week away from me. At 3, he wants her for TWO consecutive weeks away from me. Not a chance. [Mind you, she is 8 months old. She is exclusively breastfed, never had a bottle of even pumped milk. She co-sleeps with me - has never spent a night not next to me. This doesn't seem to matter to him. Additionally, we live about 25 minutes away from one another. I don't think two consecutive weeks are ever necessary unless special circumstances require it.]
- At 2: He wants alternating weekends and two weeknights per week. I wanted one weeknight per week. I offered to split the difference and do one weeknight the weeks preceding his weekends and two nights the week before my weekends. He refused.
- He wants 72-hour written notice of any "event or activity" I plan for her. [Need I comment?]
- He wants to be able to give me 24-hour notice to call and say, "Instead of taking her tomorrow night from 5:30 - 8 pm as planned, I am getting her at 10 am until 8 pm." That's at 2 years old. Once she's 3, he wants to be able to do the same, except pick her up the night before. [No. I am entitled to a predictable routine as is she. I am entitled to make plans and not have to change them within 24 hours because he decided to take off of work. This is way too open-ended and he'd take advantage as he does with everything else.]
- He wants me to need his written consent to move. Across the street. Down the block. Next town over. Anywhere. [Don't think so. He is not my keeper. By the way, he lives somewhere he can't even take her right now and alleges he will be moving out anytime now. So apparently, he can pick up and move as he sees fit but I cannot. The chances of me moving are slim to none. I own my house, live next door to my parents and just had a complete home makeover. But that is besides the point.]
- His holiday requests are not in her best interest either. He wants her the day before the holiday, the day of, and the day after. [I don't feel it's appropriate to make her be away from either side of the family for all three days surrounding a holiday - it's selfish. We live close. There is no reason we can't split days or just do a full day with alternating years. Again, it's never enough for him.]
- He wants me to be mandated to "return his calls/Facetime/Skype as soon as possible" after he reaches out when it is my parenting time. [For a normal person, this may not seem like a terrible idea. However, this is a person who sends me weekly video messages for an 8 month old. He's been sending them since she's 3 months old. When I give her my phone, she licks it. She does not understand a video message. He also "demanded" a daily pic and video before I put her to bed every night beginning when she was around 3 weeks old because, apparently, I had nothing else going on here to worry about. I'm only a first time mom, here by myself, trying to get my baby on a routine and breastfeed her and it is demanded that I stop to send a video of a motionless, soundless baby right before she crashes for the night. Impracticable.]
These are just the highlights. I cannot agree to ridiculous things that will impact my daughter's future and mine in such a consistent, disruptive manner. I cannot do it. I also proposed joint custody for the sake of reaching an agreement but now that that has not happened, I will seek sold custody. It is clear that we are not able to communicate with one another about her best interests. At all.
I feel I have no choice. I have to fight for her and somewhere in the midst of that fight, I need to fight for myself. He gets to come in, think only of himself, fight for whatever he wants and if he "loses, " he loses. As he said to me months ago, he has "nothing to lose." So he will drag the mother of his child through a trial because, hey - why not?
His daughter's week, by the way, is also going to suck. He doesn't think about that. She has a stressed out mom who is consumed by this, to begin with. She will spend the day at the attorney's office tomorrow. She will be woken up and dragged to court on Wednesday where she will remain with my sister until I am free to come breastfeed her (which I am confident will not be on the schedule she is accustomed to). She will then eat in the car where we try not to bump her head on doors and windows and gear shifters. Then she gets to be taken home by a stressed out mother and it may possibly repeat the next day. It's awful. I am tearing up just thinking about it.
He picked her up this morning at 9:30 and I had my father answer the door and bring her out. I am sure he was surprised by that, but good. Hopefully it sent a message to him: if you can't behave like a respectful, normal adult, you get no contact. When he brought her back at 1, my father had just run out so I had to get the door. I didn't even look at his face - ever. I can't bring myself to. I have lost all respect for him - every ounce. I took her from him, came inside and shut the door. I wish I could shut the door of my life on him.
So - if you are reading this, we are accepting all prayers. All positive thoughts. All good vibes. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking and of good people and will gladly accept anything you have to offer in that department.
Keep us in mind and send me strength as well.
Love,
Momeo and Juliette
XOXO
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