Our "Best" Day and a Crying Baby

Today is Sunday. Ahhh... it has become my favorite day for so many reasons. Mainly, the obvious ones. But now that I have Juliette to share it with, there are even more reasons. We had a "family fun" day at a winery today. Typically, Sunday is a day that I shop and cook and everyone comes over for dinner. In the summer, we do a lot of bbq/grill/outdoor eating. All winter, I pretty much pretend I am Italian (which I am not - I've traced my family back as far as possible searching for that "1% Italian" part - not there) and make everything and anything with "gravy" that I can. But today was kind of in between day: it's not yet fall but summer has clearly departed. So the winery it was and SUCH a good choice. The weather was perfect and so was the afternoon. 

Well, except for the "crying baby." I heard her long before I saw her. She was doing a desperate cry for a long period of time. Finally, I saw a dad carrying her like a football and walking her down the rows of grapes (I think this was to muffle her cries from everyone else at the vineyard). When he emerged with her fifteen minutes later - STILL CRYING - and still wearing a wool hat in about 75 degree weather - I went over and said hello. I learned the baby was 5 months old and her name was McKayla (a pretty name, but not Juliette). I said to the baby, "I bet you want your momma." Dad informed me that they had separated and today was "his day" with the baby. It was then that my heart broke. This baby was clearly unhappy and uncomfortable and she was literally looking around hoping to see momma any second and she wasn't even there. I asked to hold her and he handed her right over. She stopped crying for a few moments when I was talking to her but then I think she realized that even though I was acknowledging that she was a tiny human and NOT a football, I was still not "mom." I asked if he had a stroller for the baby to put her to sleep and his answer was, "No, she took everything from me." Grrrr. He thought I would feel badly for him, I suppose, but of course I did not in the least bit. Maybe this is clearly biased and judgmental but here were a few of my thoughts:

- Why, why, why are you taking a 5 month old child away from her mother for so long? He clearly was not there for only an hour or so.
- If you had your sister's engagement party at a winery, don't you think you'd rather the baby be with mom so you can attend the party and not walk halfway down a mile-long row of grapes to muffle your babies cries instead?
- If you HAD thought it was a good idea, why are you NOW realizing that it was NOT and calling mom to come get the baby?
 - And if mom "took everything" from you but you still want to have time with your baby, why don't YOU go get a stroller? or anything else the baby may need?

Grrr. (Did I already growl?) It sort of ruined my mood for the next hour or so. Now, granted, I don't know their story, but I pictured a new mom at home somewhere, worried sick, picturing her baby exactly the way she was in reality, but hoping against hope that she was really fine. Well she wasn't. And it was so unfair to that poor little baby. She was crying every single time I saw her for the next three hours or so. Heartbreaking. 

I try to be a fair, unbiased person. I truly try to see both sides of situations the best that I can; I believe that is how you learn. But I don't understand why a man cannot understand that a baby needs its mother. Period. Yes, the baby should be able to see dad and spend time with dad. Of course. But not at the baby's expense. I think that is so clear. So simple. So right. How is there another side? It upsets me greatly - I'm getting upset again now as I picture that little girl. So I need to move on.

MY little girl is now upstairs sleeping soundly in my bed (we co-sleep which I am sure I will talk about more in the future). She adored today because she adores being outdoors. Don't know where she came from - I hate nature. But as long as she is outside, she needs no entertainment - she will stare at trees, play with grass, look into the sky, all for hours at a time. She is precious (if I do say so myself). 

Tomorrow we have a doctor's appointment where she will get more shots. I hate it. Hate it. She's a tough cookie but she still cries and it kills me every time. Then (drum roll please....) I am meeting F for a drink to "talk about things." We have our next court date on the 25th and he suggested that we speak before then. I am hoping it is because he is willing to stop fighting with me over every little thing (15 minutes here, an hour there overnights, etc...) Hoping. But I am scared because I don't want my hopes up. So we shall see what happens. Until then, I am going to watch one show on my overloaded DVR, go snuggle with my baby girl, and get some serious work done tomorrow! Can I do it? I think I can, I think I can...

A happy Sunday to all,
Momeo and Juliette
XOXO

26 weeks and "F" Update

I don’t know if it’s the Raisin Bran and calcium-heavy o.j. I had today or just old-fashioned optimism, but things are looking up. Yesterday, baby and I hit 26 weeks. If you’ve ever been pregnant, every week is a milestone. If you’ve ever been pregnant and not afraid to say that you dislike being pregnant, every week is cause for a celebration. Fourteen weeks left to go. (Yes, I just said that I dislike being pregnant. I know there are numerous women – probably a majority, which I will never understand – that say they enjoy being pregnant. Some even “love” it. It’s miraculous. Amazing. They miss it when it’s over. They MISS it. I can’t believe that. But not this momma. More to follow.)

Things with F are better. We had one of our exhausting, one-hour phone conversations wherein I cry but say everything (everything) that is on my mind. He listens and vents and usually remains extremely calm. I have to give him that – he deals very well with me. He doesn’t try to fight with me and he usually is willing to admit that some things I say actually make sense. We found clarity in our I-don’t-want-nor-need-you-to-stay-overnight-at-the-hospital-with-me disagreement. He took this personally and felt I was trying to control things. He maybe even felt I was trying to gip him out of “baby time.” I explained that even if we had been married for ten years, I wouldn’t want/need him there. This is just an example of how very different we are: he is more needy. He would need me there, he would need to be there. I NEED my space and privacy and sleep. I need sleep (have I said that already?). That is why I want the private room – to get away from all noises and movements unless they are coming from me.

But, overall, things are good between us for now. We have begun to tackle some of the challenges we face as unmarried, un-cohabitating parents: baby’s first name, baby’s last name, hospital plan, finances, and….ugh, I don’t even like to think about it never mind see it in writing, but the dreaded “v” word….visitation. No details on a lot of this yet, but we have broken ground. And I will take that.

Baby seems excited. He/she is kicking my insides as I write. I take that for a sign of agreement. A small little, “you go, Momma!” from my soon-to-be biggest fan. So today, so far, is a good day. I am off to try on some dresses for some upcoming events so things have the potential to take a turn for the worse but I will let you know later.

97 days to go!!!!