26 weeks and "F" Update

I don’t know if it’s the Raisin Bran and calcium-heavy o.j. I had today or just old-fashioned optimism, but things are looking up. Yesterday, baby and I hit 26 weeks. If you’ve ever been pregnant, every week is a milestone. If you’ve ever been pregnant and not afraid to say that you dislike being pregnant, every week is cause for a celebration. Fourteen weeks left to go. (Yes, I just said that I dislike being pregnant. I know there are numerous women – probably a majority, which I will never understand – that say they enjoy being pregnant. Some even “love” it. It’s miraculous. Amazing. They miss it when it’s over. They MISS it. I can’t believe that. But not this momma. More to follow.)

Things with F are better. We had one of our exhausting, one-hour phone conversations wherein I cry but say everything (everything) that is on my mind. He listens and vents and usually remains extremely calm. I have to give him that – he deals very well with me. He doesn’t try to fight with me and he usually is willing to admit that some things I say actually make sense. We found clarity in our I-don’t-want-nor-need-you-to-stay-overnight-at-the-hospital-with-me disagreement. He took this personally and felt I was trying to control things. He maybe even felt I was trying to gip him out of “baby time.” I explained that even if we had been married for ten years, I wouldn’t want/need him there. This is just an example of how very different we are: he is more needy. He would need me there, he would need to be there. I NEED my space and privacy and sleep. I need sleep (have I said that already?). That is why I want the private room – to get away from all noises and movements unless they are coming from me.

But, overall, things are good between us for now. We have begun to tackle some of the challenges we face as unmarried, un-cohabitating parents: baby’s first name, baby’s last name, hospital plan, finances, and….ugh, I don’t even like to think about it never mind see it in writing, but the dreaded “v” word….visitation. No details on a lot of this yet, but we have broken ground. And I will take that.

Baby seems excited. He/she is kicking my insides as I write. I take that for a sign of agreement. A small little, “you go, Momma!” from my soon-to-be biggest fan. So today, so far, is a good day. I am off to try on some dresses for some upcoming events so things have the potential to take a turn for the worse but I will let you know later.

97 days to go!!!!