Thursday, October 18, 2012

Introduction to a Single Momma

I like to think of myself as a fairly rational person. I can usually talk myself out of something, into something, or around something - whatever needs to be done. But since becoming pregnant, my mind has a mind of its own. Once something gets stuck in there, it’s lodged for a very, very long and stubborn time. There is no moving on, no just forgetting about it, no distracting me.

The situation with the father of my baby is difficult enough (notice I called him “the father of my baby” and none of the more socially acceptable titles of husband, fiancé, or even boyfriend, which would likely still raise an eyebrow or two). Throw in the pregnancy and the hormones and it has been…interesting.  

We are trying – and I can honestly say “we” – to make the best of a challenging situation. I got pregnant two months after meeting him (clearly an unplanned, but lovely surprise), stopped short his planned marriage proposal and then decided that a romantic relationship between us is just not what the doctor ordered right now. And I’ve been to a lot of doctors. He (we’ll call him “F” for father), obviously and justifiably, was upset and shocked and all of the many other adjectives that I could use to underplay his reaction, however he is handling it as best he can. My fear is that his best and my best are not enough. They are at least not coming together very well.

I admit I am controlling to a fault. I am independent to a fault. Stubborn to a …. you get the idea. But F likes to over-analyze everything, including me, and I am not a wonderful subject for over-analysis. After 33 years, I am lucky I understand myself sometimes. God speed to him with that journey.

Thank goodness it takes babies so long to cook…


104 days to go!!!

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