Crank Pot!

I am cranky today. I know I shouldn’t be – I had a few days off of work, a very nice Thanksgiving with the extended family and time with my new niece. But I can’t help it – yesterday (usually one of my favorite days because it was a Sunday) was a waste for me. I got up and ready with the best of intentions and a To-Do list half a mile long, but then got a gas pain at around noon. It did not go away until 7:30 pm!!!!! Awful. Torture. I was in quite a bit of pain and spent the day doing anything anyone suggested to get rid of it: Tums, Gas-X (yes, I am allowed to take both while pregnant), moving around, lying still, drinking milk, eating, not eating – I tried it. I accomplished nothing. Grrr. Now today is Monday. Back to normalcy. Boo. (And people wonder why I can’t wait to have this baby on the outside!!??)

Also, I met with F two nights ago at my house to “talk.” That likely didn’t help my gas pains. I had a knot in my stomach leading up to his visit because two days prior to that, we had exchanged words on the phone. Very rarely do we both get upset, but we did that day and I try to avoid getting stressed and upset as much as possible these days. We are just on two very different pages right now and that leads to difficulty. He told me he is having trouble accepting that we are no longer together and might not ever be (certainly won’t be by the time Baby arrives). That colors his judgment of everything involving me, leading to his unhappiness, anger and frustration. I told him, quite honestly, that I did not know what I could do about that and that I have no clue how to make this situation better while he is still stuck in that place. He decided he may need some time away from me (not that we spend much time together) to fully move on. I acknowledged that that choice is his prerogative but that it would also come with consequences; in other words, if I don’t see him or hear from him for 6 weeks and then go into labor, I don’t want him upset when he’s not the one I am looking to for comfort and help. That seemed to puzzle him. I thought we had made some headway towards the end of the conversation but as he was walking out, he told me how he was out at a bar the night before, playing QuickDraw and hit for $550. Sigh. This after me mentioning how much this baby has already changed my life, especially financially! He doesn’t seem to get it yet.

So I need a new focus today. Or at least Starbucks ;) That always helps. Maybe I will treat myself to a Peppermint Mocha on my lunch break – always helps any mood I am in. (Yes, it’s caffeinated. Don’t judge. It’s just one grande.) And tonight I will try to make Christmas decorations with the million Mason jars I have left over from my baby shower. I hear there are some great ideas in Pinterest. I’ll share any great ones I may find. Starbucks and Pinterest should do the trick – cross your fingers :)

65 days to go!!!

Gas. Pains. (Enough said)

Gas pains. Was gas pains on my original list of Reasons to NOT Love Pregnancy? If not, add it. Holy good Lord, last night I was fine one minute: sitting down to eat dinner with my parents, Michele, Jay, and the boys and the next minute – shoot me. I had such pains. I had to get up from the table and walk around rubbing my back and as much of my belly as I could without feeling like I was suffocating poor Baby. I gave in and took two Gas-x about 20 minutes later and ahhhhh (angels singing), they helped within fifteen minutes. I wasn’t even able to enjoy the chocolate on chocolate cupcakes I had baked for dessert after dreaming of them all day. Sigh. They’ll just have to be breakfast today :) That was probably the third or fourth time that has happened in my pregnancy. Cross everything that it was the last. I blamed it on the sugary drink I had to have for the glucose test. My mother blamed it on Jay who got into a heated discussion with me before dinner about politics. He did get me extremely agitated but that’s only because he knows how to push my buttons so well. He was saying ignorant things like, “What has he done for us in the past four years?!” Ugh. I screwed up the brownies I was making at the time because he had me so worked up (yes, I apparently had a sweet tooth yesterday). He’s just jealous because I have a crush on Obama.

Today is a new day. I actually had some pre-pregnancy sleep last night (ahhhhhh – more angels singing). I try to soak that up and store it somehow because I know, in less than three months, I will never sleep this way again. Ever. So I woke up as refreshed as one can be when you are growing something inside of you for close to 200 days. But now I am back to stressing already. Here’s my dilemma: Christmas. More specifically, Christmas shopping. I am a spender. I have been since the moment I started making my own money. There is nothing I love more than to buy gifts for others – it truly makes me happy. So Christmas, for me, is usually an extremely fun time of year. Typically, I am done Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving and already have everything delivered to my apartment (now, house) by then. I almost never go to an actual store, but do all of my shopping online. This year, I have not purchased one thing as of today. Actually, I  am lying. I ordered a package of books from Groupon for Jared (youngest of my nephews, at least for another week or so until Michele pops). But besides that – nothing. Nada.

My siblings and I began a new tradition a few years back wherein we choose a night and we go out to celebrate Christmas together – no parents, no friends, just us (significant others are included). This was supposed to be in place of gifts. Not all of my siblings can afford to shop for four other siblings (and significant others) so we thought this would be a fun way to recognize the holiday together. Every year, however, I break the rules and buy for everyone anyway. But that’s mostly because I have been in a position where I was able to do that: I have been single, have had a good job, and have no responsibilities besides myself in life. My other siblings don’t make as much money or they have grown-up things like mortgages and babies to worry about. So you can maybe see where my dilemma comes in this year….I am now (gulp) a grown up! With grown-up responsibilities! I have a mortgage. I need a roof on my house. I am pregnant. I am going to be a single mom. So maybe it’s not responsible for me to go out and spend the hundreds upon hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars that I typically spend on Christmas. But that makes me sad. :(

Today on Groupon, there is an awesome (almost un-ignorable) deal on a man’s watch that I love. My brother Matthew is obsessed with watches – he has many (many from me). I looked at all their selections, researched the watch, added it to my cart and then right before I clicked “BUY”…the crisis of conscious. If I buy this gift for him, then I need to buy for everyone else. Should I do that this year? Part of me says no – to stick with our “sibling tradition’ for once and save the money. The other part of me convinces myself that using Groupon is so responsible! It saves money – it has great deals! I don’t know what to do. The watch is sitting in my cart, on an open tab in Google Chrome, as I type this. To buy or not to buy…. Help!

83 days to go!!!