Getting Hospital-Ready

Today is a great day to have a baby!! Too bad it’s my brother-in-law’s sister having hers and I am STILL home, working and pregnant! L She is having her third via C-section and is hoping for a girl. I am hoping for a contraction – even a teeny-tiny one! (Remind me, by the way, when the time comes, that I was hoping for those…) I have a doctor’s appointment later on tonight and am hoping to hear that I am making some progress. But I’m not holding my breath.

Things with work have been settled as far as me going out for awhile – that is a weight off of my shoulders. My boss has been wonderfully understandable and flexible and seems he will continue to be when I have the baby. For that, I am one grateful girl.

Things with F are even looking up. We had lunch on Saturday and although it was brief (I am not so comfortable being out these days) it was very enjoyable and we were able to discuss details about the Christening we will be having with my niece Allie. I am so happy to be able to do a combined Christening…actually happy isn’t really the word. I thought that F was going to have a conflict at one point and it wouldn’t be possible and that made me cry (understanding that is not that difficult to do these days). It means the world to me and I am already so excited! The baptism will be at my church and we are having the party at a local restaurant because the manager there was so gracious and cooperative (and, plus, the food is fantastic)!

Physical status: a wreck. Nothing fits me anymore. Every day finding a shirt becomes a treasure hunt. My belly is stretched to the max and feels that way – so tight and hard and sometimes itchy. When I walk, it feels like the baby is going to fall out (I wish!) and when I sit or lay for too long, my back and hips hurt. Every morning’s shower is a one hour routine because I need to get hospital-ready clean. This means shaving, scrubbing, and moisturizing from my feet to my chin. The thought of being basically naked and fully exposed under those damned lights they lower from the ceiling horrifies me. Parts that I haven’t seen in months are going to be out there for all the world to see. Shoot me. Each night when I get changed back into the only sweats that fit me, I think “Well all of that was a waste today – the only human I saw was my mother.” But I know – I know – that the one day I don’t do my hospital-ready clean routine, I will go into labor. So an hour a day it is. Speaking of which…have to go blow dry my hair juuuuuust in case…

8 days to go!!!

Christmas Decorating Makes Everything All Better...Even Cholistasis

A rough night but better morning. Last night, around 9:30, I started thinking too much. I can’t believe work has been so slow. My paycheck is going to be awful next week. How am I going to pay all of my bills? That conversation with F about the cholistasis was beyond frustrating. Why can’t we just make things work? This is not how I envisioned my relationship with the father of my child. What if my baby really is in danger inside of me? The internet said cholistasis can cause still births. I do NOT want an induction. Please, God, no induction. And so, I went to bed. I called it a night. I am actually proud that I chose that option, as opposed to sitting up and thinking, getting myself worked up. (And no - all of those thoughts is not considered "worked up" to me.) Because this morning is already better.

I made a trip to Michael’s to buy things for my Christmas mason jar project – what beautiful holiday things they had! I spent close to $100 that I shouldn’t have (and no, not all of it will fit in mason jars), but it was all so pretty and I know that having my house decorated is going to make me so happy! And that’s good for Baby, right??!! It’s all about the baby ;) So later today and tonight, I will begin the decorating. I am heading out to Walmart shortly to buy things to bake some cookies as well – may as well go all the way. A regular Christmas-versioned Martha Stewart. But when work is slow, I may as well take advantage instead of sitting at my laptop all day, staring at my email, willing work to come in. That’s sort of pointless.

So a happy face it is today. Decorations, cookies, holidays – all good things to focus on in this crazy, crazy life. At least until I find out, officially, if I won the Power Ball last night. Then I may re-focus. :)

62 days to go (or 41…..)

Gas. Pains. (Enough said)

Gas pains. Was gas pains on my original list of Reasons to NOT Love Pregnancy? If not, add it. Holy good Lord, last night I was fine one minute: sitting down to eat dinner with my parents, Michele, Jay, and the boys and the next minute – shoot me. I had such pains. I had to get up from the table and walk around rubbing my back and as much of my belly as I could without feeling like I was suffocating poor Baby. I gave in and took two Gas-x about 20 minutes later and ahhhhh (angels singing), they helped within fifteen minutes. I wasn’t even able to enjoy the chocolate on chocolate cupcakes I had baked for dessert after dreaming of them all day. Sigh. They’ll just have to be breakfast today :) That was probably the third or fourth time that has happened in my pregnancy. Cross everything that it was the last. I blamed it on the sugary drink I had to have for the glucose test. My mother blamed it on Jay who got into a heated discussion with me before dinner about politics. He did get me extremely agitated but that’s only because he knows how to push my buttons so well. He was saying ignorant things like, “What has he done for us in the past four years?!” Ugh. I screwed up the brownies I was making at the time because he had me so worked up (yes, I apparently had a sweet tooth yesterday). He’s just jealous because I have a crush on Obama.

Today is a new day. I actually had some pre-pregnancy sleep last night (ahhhhhh – more angels singing). I try to soak that up and store it somehow because I know, in less than three months, I will never sleep this way again. Ever. So I woke up as refreshed as one can be when you are growing something inside of you for close to 200 days. But now I am back to stressing already. Here’s my dilemma: Christmas. More specifically, Christmas shopping. I am a spender. I have been since the moment I started making my own money. There is nothing I love more than to buy gifts for others – it truly makes me happy. So Christmas, for me, is usually an extremely fun time of year. Typically, I am done Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving and already have everything delivered to my apartment (now, house) by then. I almost never go to an actual store, but do all of my shopping online. This year, I have not purchased one thing as of today. Actually, I  am lying. I ordered a package of books from Groupon for Jared (youngest of my nephews, at least for another week or so until Michele pops). But besides that – nothing. Nada.

My siblings and I began a new tradition a few years back wherein we choose a night and we go out to celebrate Christmas together – no parents, no friends, just us (significant others are included). This was supposed to be in place of gifts. Not all of my siblings can afford to shop for four other siblings (and significant others) so we thought this would be a fun way to recognize the holiday together. Every year, however, I break the rules and buy for everyone anyway. But that’s mostly because I have been in a position where I was able to do that: I have been single, have had a good job, and have no responsibilities besides myself in life. My other siblings don’t make as much money or they have grown-up things like mortgages and babies to worry about. So you can maybe see where my dilemma comes in this year….I am now (gulp) a grown up! With grown-up responsibilities! I have a mortgage. I need a roof on my house. I am pregnant. I am going to be a single mom. So maybe it’s not responsible for me to go out and spend the hundreds upon hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars that I typically spend on Christmas. But that makes me sad. :(

Today on Groupon, there is an awesome (almost un-ignorable) deal on a man’s watch that I love. My brother Matthew is obsessed with watches – he has many (many from me). I looked at all their selections, researched the watch, added it to my cart and then right before I clicked “BUY”…the crisis of conscious. If I buy this gift for him, then I need to buy for everyone else. Should I do that this year? Part of me says no – to stick with our “sibling tradition’ for once and save the money. The other part of me convinces myself that using Groupon is so responsible! It saves money – it has great deals! I don’t know what to do. The watch is sitting in my cart, on an open tab in Google Chrome, as I type this. To buy or not to buy…. Help!

83 days to go!!!

Pregnancy Symptoms and Side Effects (Not for the faint of heart)

(Due to the hurricane we had on LI, I did not have power to my laptop and did not write my regular entry. However, in it’s place, I handwrote a list of all of the pregnancy symptoms and side effects that I have experienced thus far. WARNING: If you do not want the truth, do not continue reading. It’s not pretty.)

·         A constant feeling of “seasickness” until the 12 week mark

·         Feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin every morning until the 12 week mark

·         Constant peeing. When I say "constant," I mean constant. The minute you finish going, you are thinking about how long you can possibly hold it until you go again. Because you just went.

·         A UTI at about 8 weeks. That was just cruel.

·         Extra and random vaginal discharge

·         Stuffed nose – constantly

·         My nipple bleeding – this only happened once, when I got out of the shower. But once is enough in my lifetime.

·         Enough gas to run a locomotive. Seriously. 24/7.

·         Mysterious red spots on my body. For me, on my upper chest and my face.

·         Itchy boobs. Like, on fire itchy. So itchy I could cry. Maybe I have.

·         “Heartburn” – this really means you will regurgitate whatever you ate, into your mouth, at least 4 times a night

·         Random, internal steel-toe kicks to the vagina. At least that is what it feels like.

·         Bloating. Every time I eat and every night. Without fail. It is extremely uncomfortable.

·         Lower back pain – especially when I try to…well, move.

·         More hair. Everywhere. (Except my legs. That hair is growing in slower. Go figure.)

·         HUGE boobs. I mean, like, grandma-huge. Beyond “Oh sweet, my boobs are looking good” huge. Gross-huge.

·         Insomnia – this lasted from about 12 weeks through 20 weeks for me. It’s torture. I decided that if I were ever in charge of a group of POWs, I would give them a UTI and insomnia. They’d talk immediately.

·         “Outie” bellybutton.

·         Dry skin

·         Going to the bathroom (yes, the bathroom-bathroom) six times in one day and then not going for the next six days. This pattern changes and reverses whenever the hell it feels like it.

·         Braxton Hicks contractions – not painful, but just annoying enough to remind you that your body has been taken over by someone else.

·         Clumsiness – I drop things all of the time! I can’t explain this one!

·         Dumbness – not kidding. I forget where stores are when I am actively driving to them. I attempted to remove nail polish with Scope mouthwash (the bottles do look a bit similar).

(Mind you, this is not even including your actual, physical expansion – the growth of your belly and the increase in your weight. Those aren’t “side effects” to me – they ARE pregnancy. These are just all of the added bonuses. Now do you understand why I want to punch the women who say, “You don’t love it?! I just loved being pregnant!” Maybe they need to have their brains checked.)