Christmas....Gifts....I Am Now One of "Those" Parents

Oh the times I chastised my sister: "Why are you buying SO much?!" "They're so LITTLE." "It's such a waste." "We're all so spoiled." And here it is, November 14th and I MUST cut myself off from shopping for her. It's crazy! FedEx and UPS keep coming and I stare at the boxes, thinking, "What ELSE did I order?!"

I am torn about it. One part of me thinks it is so unnecessary: she is only going to be 11 months old. She doesn't need anything. I could save the money for her. Hell, I could use the money for things that I need to pay for. I don't want to spoil her, I don't want to create this system where every year, I out-do myself and then she turns ten and I literally have to buy her a real life elephant or something.

But the other part of me makes excuses for why I should be buying these things: the toy kitchen promotes independent learning, the wooden toys I bought are safe and educational, the sensory toys will promote her imagination, they'll all last a really long time. She doesn't have many toys - it's not like she's the fourth child in the family and has buckets and bins of toys to choose from.

Am I crazy? What is typical, what is appropriate, for an 11 month old on their first Christmas? I fully intend on teaching her the value of money and the value of things. I will show her how to give back and pay things forward. But how do I handle this as a "good" parent?

I'm scared to see the result when I really go look at the pile that has been forming in the basement. I just keep carrying the boxes down there and figure I will open them when it's time to wrap. I'm scared. Is this just me?

Love,
Momeo and Juliette
XOXO

Overdid It

Tomorrow I am 34 weeks and today I am officially DONE. I overdid it this weekend and paid the price but it’s just extremely frustrating because “overdoing it” is not even what I’d consider a crazy day in my pre-pregnancy life. I went to the mall – sounds simple enough. But driving there (about 25-30 minutes), finding parking, walking in, walking around, standing on line, trying on clothes (I needed a dress for Christmas eve – my yoga pants and maternity jeans won’t cut it!), more walking, dealing with crowds…it was exhausting. I realized at one point, walking through Macy’s, that a young woman was trying to get past me. I moved over and she buzzed on by with her independent, unpregnant self. I thought, “That’s usually me!” I’m usually the girl there alone, zipping in and out of stores, weaving in and out of the slow people, getting things done in record time. On Saturday, at that moment, I thought, “If I were on fire, I couldn’t move any faster than I am right now.” Quite depressing. I then tackled Target (for some last minute hospital bag necessities like nursing bras and tanks and a bathrobe as well as some small Christmas gifts). Let me tell you, I have only been to Target once before in my life and I wished (wished really hard) that I had had more energy left – what a great store! Too bad I was exhausted and could barely get the things on my list. I actually walked out to my car, put all of my bags in and then had to go back into the store when I realized I had to pee. Again. And I’d never make it home! So I treated myself to a Starbucks (I know, I’m a terrible mom – I had some real caffeine) on the way out and literally moaned with pleasure at the first sip in my car.

I had to take my shoes off in the car because my feet were swollen (only second time that has happened so far) and I then went to my aunt’s house in case I went into labor. Not kidding. It was the first time I felt that…drained. And awful. I was nervous that I did too much. But, alas, Baby was fine and very cooperative. Maybe she’ll/he’ll (she’ll) like shopping like her mom :)

My nephews and niece were away this weekend with my parents – they went to the North Pole! (Well, the one in Lincoln, New Hampshire). I hated that they were gone (hated it) and I was beyond thrilled when they came home Sunday night. I cooked dinner and had it waiting for everyone at my sister’s house. I just couldn’t wait to hold them and hug them and love them up (especially because of the Newtown incident on Friday – I was crying randomly all weekend). They were full of stories about the train ride, the scarf from Santa, all of the “real elves!” they got to see – such excitement and such…joy. And belief. Children are amazing. They are hard, hard work and can be spoiled and actually quite terrible at times, but still – amazing.

As of today, I am completely done with my Christmas shopping. (Pat on the back although this is over a month later than my usual). Picked up some last minute gifts last night – gift certificate to Pasta Pasta in Port Jefferson Station – yum! And some shirts from Marshalls for my younger sister. So I am done. Most of my gifts are even wrapped too – just the last minute things (and two more coming in the mail this week) to wrap. I think I can, I think I can….

43 (quick) days to go!!!

Decorated!!!

Decorated! Tree up! Christmas cookies baked (well at least two different kinds so far: spritz cookies and saltine cookies. More to come)! Not bad for a cranky pregnant lady – and I cooked Sunday dinner yesterday for the fam. My feet were swollen for the first time last night – I felt like a real-live pregnant person. Now that’s one classic symptom I hadn’t had yet (I feel like I have had everything else, classic or not).

I worked a lot over the weekend as well since last week was so slow. I need those hours up – this baby is expensive! Same for today – a boring, work day with nothing else planned. But that’s ok because I am working and looking at my Charlie Brown Christmas tree which Justin carried for me and Adam and Jared helped decorate. I also adore my Pinterest mason jars (yes, I actually made them). They are simple and beautiful (if I do say so myself).

No developments on the baby front other than my impending appointment with Dr. Erhart on Thursday morning. I’m anxious to ask him questions and see what he says about this cholistasis nonsense. Until then, I am absorbing all my baby kicks (of which there are a TON all day long) and counting down til I can meet this little angel. F and I are supposed to get together Thursday night after the doctor so that we can “discuss baby things.” He called and asked for the time after our last talk. No comment. (Until Friday morning. Then I’ll fill you in.)

Going on my BabyBump app all of the time now. I am in the January 2013 group and it’s scary and exciting to read posts from so many women who are due next month having their babies early, going into labor and delivery every day, and scheduling inductions and C-sections. It is really going to happen. Next month. I almost don’t believe it.

Back to work for me. With some spritz cookies to help ease the pain ;)

58 days to go!!! (possibly 37?!)

Almost Decorated. Almost.

I am one step closer to decorating. Don’t judge. It’s hard being pregnant. Sitting across from me on my other couch are bags from Michaels and from Walmart with decorations and Christmas cheer galore. My father is also bringing over the decorations I have had stored in his basement for a few years later today. Now I just have to find the time (and energy) to actually do something with it all. Yesterday wasn’t my fault – I had to be at Michele’s house all afternoon because she had a cleaning company come (no, she’s not spoiled and lazy. This is the first time in over a year as part of her Christmas gift since she just had her fourth baby and has no time to thoroughly clean before decorating) and Jay didn’t want the house to be empty while they were there. They took the kids for their annual picture with Santa – but I have to say, it’s with THE best Santa I have ever seen. Truly. In years. I have never seen a better one. He’s the one at the Smithhaven Mall and he looks so…real! So Christmasy and Santa’ish and loveable. Every single year – it’s terrific. Picture came out great – I LOVE those kids! Then I watched all four of them again last night so that Michele and Jay could go “do holiday errands.” They got home close to midnight.

In the meantime, I got to give Allie her first (and second) bottle! I loved feeding her – she was looking up at me with those big mostly-blue-but-might-change-to-brown eyes. It reminded me how needy they are. They depend on you for everything and I just adore it. We did have a slight bathroom mishap – I had her on her changing table to change her poopy diaper and just as I took it off of her, she decided it would be a great time to poop and pee again. It went everywhere. Sprayed. She’s lucky she’s so cute. So I had to wash her down, re-lotion her so Michele didn’t smell the mishap from miles away at Toys R Us, change the changing pad, put on wash, and re-dress her. I loved every second of it. (But my goodness, it’s much harder to do even simple things when you are carrying a newborn.)

I’m glad I am only having one at this point. I was holding her, all bundled in her pjs and then her sleep sack and then her leopard print blanket, in the den. She was just about to fall asleep as I rocked her in my arms and then I hear what I think is another child crying. I had a slight moment of, “What am I supposed to do?” I went with putting Allie down on the couch in the Bobby and padding her and the Boppy as if I were leaving her for a fortnight. (I even put two couch pillows on the floor next to her in case she suddenly developed super-human newborn strength and flipped herself out of the Boppy’s hold). I ran into the bedroom and Jared was whining for his “pipey.” That is his pacifier. Otherwise known as his crack-cocaine. He needs it to sleep. I replaced his pipey and went back to Allie. Shockingly, she hadn’t moved an inch. I scooped her back up and was rocking her again, very proud that I handed this incredibly stressful and challenging situation. “Biiiissssy…,” I hear again. (That’s what my nephews call me. Long story. But I am Aunt Bissy.) Crap. Allie down and secured again, another run to Jared – this time to rub his back for a few minutes, give him his pipey and then escape back to check that Allie hasn’t walked to the other side of the room as I have pictured while I am putting Jared back to sleep. Success. Again, I felt proud. Which is pretty pathetic. But I did.

Not focusing on F today. Not focusing on my possible cholistasis and early induction. Just focusing on work. And then decorating – promise!!!

61 days to go!!! (or 40????)

Christmas Decorating Makes Everything All Better...Even Cholistasis

A rough night but better morning. Last night, around 9:30, I started thinking too much. I can’t believe work has been so slow. My paycheck is going to be awful next week. How am I going to pay all of my bills? That conversation with F about the cholistasis was beyond frustrating. Why can’t we just make things work? This is not how I envisioned my relationship with the father of my child. What if my baby really is in danger inside of me? The internet said cholistasis can cause still births. I do NOT want an induction. Please, God, no induction. And so, I went to bed. I called it a night. I am actually proud that I chose that option, as opposed to sitting up and thinking, getting myself worked up. (And no - all of those thoughts is not considered "worked up" to me.) Because this morning is already better.

I made a trip to Michael’s to buy things for my Christmas mason jar project – what beautiful holiday things they had! I spent close to $100 that I shouldn’t have (and no, not all of it will fit in mason jars), but it was all so pretty and I know that having my house decorated is going to make me so happy! And that’s good for Baby, right??!! It’s all about the baby ;) So later today and tonight, I will begin the decorating. I am heading out to Walmart shortly to buy things to bake some cookies as well – may as well go all the way. A regular Christmas-versioned Martha Stewart. But when work is slow, I may as well take advantage instead of sitting at my laptop all day, staring at my email, willing work to come in. That’s sort of pointless.

So a happy face it is today. Decorations, cookies, holidays – all good things to focus on in this crazy, crazy life. At least until I find out, officially, if I won the Power Ball last night. Then I may re-focus. :)

62 days to go (or 41…..)

Gas. Pains. (Enough said)

Gas pains. Was gas pains on my original list of Reasons to NOT Love Pregnancy? If not, add it. Holy good Lord, last night I was fine one minute: sitting down to eat dinner with my parents, Michele, Jay, and the boys and the next minute – shoot me. I had such pains. I had to get up from the table and walk around rubbing my back and as much of my belly as I could without feeling like I was suffocating poor Baby. I gave in and took two Gas-x about 20 minutes later and ahhhhh (angels singing), they helped within fifteen minutes. I wasn’t even able to enjoy the chocolate on chocolate cupcakes I had baked for dessert after dreaming of them all day. Sigh. They’ll just have to be breakfast today :) That was probably the third or fourth time that has happened in my pregnancy. Cross everything that it was the last. I blamed it on the sugary drink I had to have for the glucose test. My mother blamed it on Jay who got into a heated discussion with me before dinner about politics. He did get me extremely agitated but that’s only because he knows how to push my buttons so well. He was saying ignorant things like, “What has he done for us in the past four years?!” Ugh. I screwed up the brownies I was making at the time because he had me so worked up (yes, I apparently had a sweet tooth yesterday). He’s just jealous because I have a crush on Obama.

Today is a new day. I actually had some pre-pregnancy sleep last night (ahhhhhh – more angels singing). I try to soak that up and store it somehow because I know, in less than three months, I will never sleep this way again. Ever. So I woke up as refreshed as one can be when you are growing something inside of you for close to 200 days. But now I am back to stressing already. Here’s my dilemma: Christmas. More specifically, Christmas shopping. I am a spender. I have been since the moment I started making my own money. There is nothing I love more than to buy gifts for others – it truly makes me happy. So Christmas, for me, is usually an extremely fun time of year. Typically, I am done Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving and already have everything delivered to my apartment (now, house) by then. I almost never go to an actual store, but do all of my shopping online. This year, I have not purchased one thing as of today. Actually, I  am lying. I ordered a package of books from Groupon for Jared (youngest of my nephews, at least for another week or so until Michele pops). But besides that – nothing. Nada.

My siblings and I began a new tradition a few years back wherein we choose a night and we go out to celebrate Christmas together – no parents, no friends, just us (significant others are included). This was supposed to be in place of gifts. Not all of my siblings can afford to shop for four other siblings (and significant others) so we thought this would be a fun way to recognize the holiday together. Every year, however, I break the rules and buy for everyone anyway. But that’s mostly because I have been in a position where I was able to do that: I have been single, have had a good job, and have no responsibilities besides myself in life. My other siblings don’t make as much money or they have grown-up things like mortgages and babies to worry about. So you can maybe see where my dilemma comes in this year….I am now (gulp) a grown up! With grown-up responsibilities! I have a mortgage. I need a roof on my house. I am pregnant. I am going to be a single mom. So maybe it’s not responsible for me to go out and spend the hundreds upon hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars that I typically spend on Christmas. But that makes me sad. :(

Today on Groupon, there is an awesome (almost un-ignorable) deal on a man’s watch that I love. My brother Matthew is obsessed with watches – he has many (many from me). I looked at all their selections, researched the watch, added it to my cart and then right before I clicked “BUY”…the crisis of conscious. If I buy this gift for him, then I need to buy for everyone else. Should I do that this year? Part of me says no – to stick with our “sibling tradition’ for once and save the money. The other part of me convinces myself that using Groupon is so responsible! It saves money – it has great deals! I don’t know what to do. The watch is sitting in my cart, on an open tab in Google Chrome, as I type this. To buy or not to buy…. Help!

83 days to go!!!