Almost Decorated. Almost.

I am one step closer to decorating. Don’t judge. It’s hard being pregnant. Sitting across from me on my other couch are bags from Michaels and from Walmart with decorations and Christmas cheer galore. My father is also bringing over the decorations I have had stored in his basement for a few years later today. Now I just have to find the time (and energy) to actually do something with it all. Yesterday wasn’t my fault – I had to be at Michele’s house all afternoon because she had a cleaning company come (no, she’s not spoiled and lazy. This is the first time in over a year as part of her Christmas gift since she just had her fourth baby and has no time to thoroughly clean before decorating) and Jay didn’t want the house to be empty while they were there. They took the kids for their annual picture with Santa – but I have to say, it’s with THE best Santa I have ever seen. Truly. In years. I have never seen a better one. He’s the one at the Smithhaven Mall and he looks so…real! So Christmasy and Santa’ish and loveable. Every single year – it’s terrific. Picture came out great – I LOVE those kids! Then I watched all four of them again last night so that Michele and Jay could go “do holiday errands.” They got home close to midnight.

In the meantime, I got to give Allie her first (and second) bottle! I loved feeding her – she was looking up at me with those big mostly-blue-but-might-change-to-brown eyes. It reminded me how needy they are. They depend on you for everything and I just adore it. We did have a slight bathroom mishap – I had her on her changing table to change her poopy diaper and just as I took it off of her, she decided it would be a great time to poop and pee again. It went everywhere. Sprayed. She’s lucky she’s so cute. So I had to wash her down, re-lotion her so Michele didn’t smell the mishap from miles away at Toys R Us, change the changing pad, put on wash, and re-dress her. I loved every second of it. (But my goodness, it’s much harder to do even simple things when you are carrying a newborn.)

I’m glad I am only having one at this point. I was holding her, all bundled in her pjs and then her sleep sack and then her leopard print blanket, in the den. She was just about to fall asleep as I rocked her in my arms and then I hear what I think is another child crying. I had a slight moment of, “What am I supposed to do?” I went with putting Allie down on the couch in the Bobby and padding her and the Boppy as if I were leaving her for a fortnight. (I even put two couch pillows on the floor next to her in case she suddenly developed super-human newborn strength and flipped herself out of the Boppy’s hold). I ran into the bedroom and Jared was whining for his “pipey.” That is his pacifier. Otherwise known as his crack-cocaine. He needs it to sleep. I replaced his pipey and went back to Allie. Shockingly, she hadn’t moved an inch. I scooped her back up and was rocking her again, very proud that I handed this incredibly stressful and challenging situation. “Biiiissssy…,” I hear again. (That’s what my nephews call me. Long story. But I am Aunt Bissy.) Crap. Allie down and secured again, another run to Jared – this time to rub his back for a few minutes, give him his pipey and then escape back to check that Allie hasn’t walked to the other side of the room as I have pictured while I am putting Jared back to sleep. Success. Again, I felt proud. Which is pretty pathetic. But I did.

Not focusing on F today. Not focusing on my possible cholistasis and early induction. Just focusing on work. And then decorating – promise!!!

61 days to go!!! (or 40????)

Things are Looking Up

Today is a better day! If I declare it, it will be true. I woke up this morning excited because I have what should be my last sonogram tonight! I will be 31 weeks tomorrow and they will check on Baby’s size and make sure all looks good – I am just thrilled to get another peek inside because it’s been about 11 weeks since I have seen my Baby! I am bringing my mom, F, and F’s mom (who is thrilled because this is the first time she is coming with me). Eek – I get to see my baby and see what position he/she (she) is in and approximately what he/she (she) weighs. All very exciting. Then…they’ll tell me my weight. Ugh. But its worth it tonight.

Yesterday was a rough day for me but I spent the late afternoon/evening at Michele and Jay’s and holding Allie and playing with the boys is always enough to take my mind off of anything else. I then watched a TED video about happiness and, as they always do, the video motivated me to be happy – live in the moment. (Are you familiar with TED conferences? If you are not, download the app or log on immediately. These are intelligent, ingenious people from all disciplines in life that give speeches on the most fascinating topics which will amuse, amaze and humble you without fail.) The focus of the talk was that we are much happier when we are not “mind wandering” and when we are living in the now. Focusing on the task we are currently involved in. Thinking about what we are doing and who we are with in that moment. When we think ahead or think back or think about other things, our happiness decreases substantially. So right now, I am focused on writing this entry. Typically, I would be writing while I was watching the clock and thinking about what I have to accomplish right after this…but not today! Today you have all of me! (Shoot. I wonder if listening to music while I write and signing along is considered “mind wandering.” You think? If so, I have already failed. I can’t fight Matchbox 20’s Overjoyed. Sigh.)

And today I feel ready – physically – to have a baby in my house! Everything I received for my baby shower has been put together (thank you, Dad and Jay) and has been put in its place! The nursery, besides the mural on the wall, is complete; the high chair is in the kitchen, the Snap-n-Go is in the back of my car! The only thing left to do is pack my hospital bag which I will probably do this weekend. Just in case. I like to be prepared.

Now I feel like I can decorate for the holidays – it’s a lot of work that I could probably avoid, but I know it will make me happy. Wish I could have a glass of wine while I do so, but alas, I have about 8 more weeks to wait for that treat. That’s ok. Maybe that’s what I will start tonight – Christmas decorating. Yes, I think so. I know I will come home with energy after my doctor’s appointment so I will stop at Michael’s on my way home to buy fake red berries, candles and ribbon to make these adorable mason jar decorations I found on Pinterest. That’s the plan. I kind of like it. (I’ll let you know how that worked out tomorrow!) Seven hours until I see my Baby and…

…64 days to go!!!

Kisses, Snuggles, and Worries

What an Allie-filled weekend I have had – kisses, snuggles, photo shoots, diapers, and more kisses. I can’t get enough of her! Back to work this morning – very hard to do when I know she is only about 5 minutes away. I already am staring at the clock counting down until I can see her tonight. Makes me very excited…

So I promised an update on the F front. Nothing positive, unfortunately. This past week felt like a bit of a whirlwind for me and it’s been quite emotional at times. My sister having the baby made me think. A lot. Mostly, about what it will be like for me. It made me sad that the nights that she and Jay were the only ones left at the hospital might be very different for me. They probably couldn’t wait until everyone left and it was only them and the baby. I am wondering if I will feel the same. Can I share that much joy with someone whom I am not in a serious relationship with?

Our communication has completely broken down. Right before the hurricane, I started to become a bit disappointed and frustrated that F was not doing anything. He says a lot about what he wants and what he’s ready for, but I wasn’t seeing anything. I started to feel like, unless I initiated something (conversations, get-togethers, dinners with his parents), nothing would happen. I was correct. I stopped and it all stopped. He didn’t speak to me after the birthing class (which I thought went well) until he showed up at the end of my surprise shower. Since then, not a word. He sent a beautiful (and delicious) Edible Arrangements gift to my sister in the hospital yet didn’t even acknowledge my niece to me – not a text, phone call, Facebook message, nothing. That was a point well made (although the reason behind the point is very unclear to me). I have been telling others and myself that it wasn’t bothering me – that this was his choice and I was not here to always fix everything – but it was bothering me. So yesterday morning, I called him in the hopes of having a talk about whatever it is that is going on with him. He didn’t pick up and then didn’t call me back for more than 8 hours later. Even then, he called my house and didn’t even try my cell. That spoke volumes as well. So, alas, today I will try again even though part of me feels it shouldn’t have to be me always trying to make things right. But I don’t know what else to do.

I look at baby Allie and when I tell you, my heart swells with how much I love her already. I don’t want my own experience with my own baby to be hindered, in the least, by a stressful situation between F and I. But I’m just afraid because it takes two and I am not getting the cooperation from him. (It drives me crazy, also, when something doesn’t make sense to me. And this just makes no sense. None.) I will continue to try, though. I don’t know what else to do.

In the meantime, my living room still looks like Babies R us and Buy Buy Baby threw up. I have not put away one item from my baby shower! Hopefully this week!  And tomorrow I will tell you about the breastfeeding class I attended in case any of you are looking for one – it was wonderful!

72 days to go!!!

Product Push and Allie

Product push: the Mamaroo! Anyone expecting needs to run out and add it to your registry or go purchase one. It is the newest bouncer/swing combination and besides looking tremendously cool and modern, the baby already loves it! I registered for it but didn’t receive it as a gift so I was going to let it slide – not after seeing Allie in it. She looks so calm and peaceful and unlike the bassinette, she doesn’t scream when you put her in it! We tested out the nature and the car sounds with her yesterday – both a hit!

Anyway – back to the baby – she’s precious. Just a perfect, little angel. On Wednesday, my mother and I left before 10 a.m. to go buy everything pink that they sell at Babies R Us. (We did a pretty decent job). After spending over one thousand dollars, we went back to Michele’s prepared to turn the neutral/boy’ish nursery into a home fit for a princess. In between, and again, after visiting hours, we girlified Allie’s new room – it is beautiful! We purchased the Kidsline Fleur bedding set and all matching accessories at Babies R Us. It is to die for. We also bought wall letters to spell out her name and adorable floral wall decals. Together, the two of us bought every outfit that was either pink, purple, or had some sort of tutu attached to it. We then emptied out her nursery and started from scratch – in just over three hours, it was transformed. We then hung every outfit and legging and hair accessory all over the room – on the crib, the changing table, the blinds – and locked the door. We didn’t allow Jay to see it so that he could be surprised with Michele when she came home.

They loved it – I really think they did! She was shocked when she saw how feminine the room looked after having three boys take their turn in there! She didn’t get to look through every single outfit yet, but I am sure she will. She loved what she saw and I think she knows that it is perfect for Allie! Every time I went in there to change her diaper yesterday, the room made me happy – it just screams little girl! (And, the more I keep thinking “girl,” the higher my chances are to have one. Right?)

Speaking of my own, there have been some developments on the “F front” which I will update you about tomorrow. In the meantime, I just have to go see Allie. Five minutes ago :) I already adore her and miss her! (Plus, I want to have a hand in the next outfit she wears!)

Have I mentioned how blessed I am recently? Extremely.

75 days to go!!!

Allie Comes Home! (Plus Michele's Birthing Story)

Literally running around my house this morning because I cannot get out fast enough! I am going to watch my youngest nephew, Jared, so that Jay can go pick up Michele and Allie from the hospital and bring them home! It still has not sunk in – it’s a girl. A little pink, delicate, feminine girl. We’ve never had one of those!

Michele, once again, made everything having to do with birth look so simple and easy. She started having contractions early evening on Monday and I got my hopes up – I was set to go to the hospital that night! She kept telling me they were irregular and not strong enough but that they were there. I slept with my cell and my home phone next to my head waiting for the call – it didn’t come. At 10 a.m. on Tuesday, Justin had an assembly for Veteran’s Day at his school to which he invited my father as “his” veteran. I decided to go. When we got there, I quickly saw Michele was having contractions on the school bleachers! They were about 15 minutes apart. After the assembly, she wanted to go out to eat! (Here’s where you’ll start to see our differences. I would have been on self-induced bedrest from the night before, the moment I felt the first contraction. She cooked dinner, went to a Scentsy party, attended an assembly and now wanted to go to the damned diner). At breakfast, her contractions continued coming and they were 9 minutes apart. She had a scheduled appointment with her OB (who also happens to be my OB) at 1:15. At about 1:45 I got the text from Jay, “It’s go time!” She was 4 cm dilated and he was sending them to St. Charles hospital (about 4 minutes away from his office). I flew there. We both got there a few minutes after 2.

They gave her the epidural fairly quickly (maybe around 4:30) and then they broke her water close to 5 pm. I was in the labor and delivery room with them up until that point. She then started becoming a bit uncomfortable and so I left, leaving just Jay and Michele. When Dr. Erhart broke her water at 5, she told him, “I’ll be ready in about 45 minutes.” He checked her at 5:45 and said she was about 8 cm dilated. At 5:55, Jay texted, “They are setting up!” and at 6:03, little Allie was born! She pushed for a max of eight minutes. Can you feel my jealousy? Is it jumping off the page? Because it’s there. I hope this is one of the very few things we have in common as twins: please, Lord, let me deliver babies just like my sister. By 6:15, I was back in the labor and delivery room but with one extra, little 6 lb 9 oz person :) I fell in love, again, at approximately 6:16 pm.

Now, I get to go welcome her into her home and love her up! (I cannot wait until it’s my turn! But for now, I will love every single delicious moment of my new niece!!!!)

76 days left!!!

I'm An Aunt....Again! To a Niece...for the first time!

I am beyond exhausted and, very unusually for me, I am writing this late at night – just after midnight as a matter of fact. I have very good reason: I became an aunt again today! But this time…to a little GIRL!!!!! I cannot begin to tell you, especially in my state of exhaustion, how blessed and over the moon I feel. My niece was born tonight at 6:03 pm after mommy started feeling contractions late last night. A GIRL! After three boys, they finally got their little girl. I couldn’t be happier for them – she is, of course, perfection. Absolute perfection.

I will fill you in with more details tomorrow when my eyes are fully opened and my head stops spinning. I am on thinking/feeling overload. This is what overwhelmed feels like. I have feelings and thoughts about today and about my own situation and I certainly will not do those thoughts any justice before at least seven hours of sleep. Please forgive me.

For now, I welcome to the world my already loved, adored, spoiled, delicious little Allie Giuliana.

78 days to go!!! (technically 77)