Sneak Peek!

I’m still smiling from last night. I think the Baby Gods knew that I needed a peek at my baby yesterday. He/she (she) LOOKS like a REAL baby now! (I know, that probably sounds terrible, as if it hasn’t. But…it hasn’t!!! It looked like a lima bean, then a skeleton, then an alien. But now, he/she (she) looks like a BABY!!)

Speaking of babies….I’m a huge one when it comes to doctors. My entire life, I have passed out when I go to the doctor (dentist, pediatrician, physician, gynecologist, you name it). This pregnancy has toughened me up a bit, which I would have bet against seven months ago. But it’s amazing what you do when you have to do it. I’m still, however, not 100% “normal” about going. Even last night I was nervous – my stomach was in knots and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom (another physical reaction my body has to stress). I didn’t know how long the sonogram would be and what exactly the monitoring would be like and so I was stressed. My mom met me there which was good because she serves as a distraction while I wait. I despise waiting – it gives my mind time to completely freak out my body. I hate it. Anyway – the sonogram was awesome. I got to see Baby with its finger in its mouth, holding its foot in its mouth with its hand (!!intelligent, right??) and moving all around. We saw the hair on the back of the head already (quite the shock as I didn’t have hair until I was almost four! My mom taped bows onto my head!). It was great. The face has filled out and it looks like…my baby!!! Oh, and everything they checked for last night was perfect: my fluid levels, the umbilical cord, the blood flow, etc… Of course, that’s the most important stuff but the cutest and most exciting stuff was seeing the baby (and getting more pictures to take home)!

After the sonogram, they weighed me. Again. Ugh. I weighed 133 lbs which, I think, was the same as last time. Maybe I’m deluding myself. But either way, it’s a neat 25 lb weight gain since the pregnancy. If it doesn’t go up much more, I’ll be content with that. Blood pressure was great. Then, time for the monitoring. I sat on the exam table with two pillows propped up behind me. They found the baby’s heart (from the sonographer) and put a round monitoring piece on it and strapped it to me (with that gucky sonogram gel underneath it) to measure the baby’s heartbeat. Then they strapped another monitoring piece where the top of my uterus is to measure my contractions. Here’s the best part: the nurse then hands me this little buzzer and says, “Press this every time the baby moves.” I looked at her like she couldn’t be serious. “Every time?” “Yes, every time. I will be back in five minutes (LIE: a minimum of 15 minutes) to check on you.” My baby moves every second. Especially at night. I am not exaggerating. It’s a gymnast in there. It kicks and jabs and flips and tumbles and rolls. I was pushing that button every three seconds – and the machine would beep. I told my mom I am going to get one of those buzzers from the game Taboo and I’m going to do this at home. I’m going to press it and buzz every time the baby moves so no one else in my life can ignore it!! I certainly can’t! I finally told my mother that I was pressing it every other time because it was getting ridiculous. I had pressed it over 40 times in less than 5 minutes. Seriously. I guess other baby’s don’t move as much???

Turns out that everything there was perfect too – “perfect readout” the nurse practitioner told me. Good contractions (I knew that was what I was feeling!), good heartrate, and great movement (great for them, not for the inside of my uterus). My liver enzyme number went from a 12 to a 13. I said, “Shit! It went up!” but the NP said, “I consider 12 and 13 to be the same level with this. It’s just fine.” That made me feel better. I will continue to go for these weekly sonograms and NSTs and we will keep a close eye on Baby. I go for more blood work in three weeks to check on my number again (think LOW) and hopefully I can sneak by, week by week, until this baby comes naturally and I won’t need to be induced! Fingers and toes crossed!

I was smiling when I left, when I went to Michele and Jay’s to show them the pictures, when I got home and even now, today. I am getting really excited. So…I know I promised more updates about F, but no negativity or stress today. Only happy, real-baby-looking thoughts today. I’m going to be a mom soon!

48 days to go!!!

Overwhelmed

I will admit it. This momma-to-be is overwhelmed. It happens rarely (well, it may happen more frequently than I’d like but it typically doesn’t slow me down and I can ignore it and move past it. This time? Not so much). My head is swimming with finances, health insurance, issues with F, my health and the baby’s health, work and what I am going to do when I cannot put in the hours I am used to. Forget about the holidays and the fact that everyday tasks (laundry, dishes, shopping) are getting more and more physically difficult for me. The lack of sleep is probably not helping this equation. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not at my breaking point just yet. But I’m getting there (hence, the lapse in my entries for the past week).

Better news on the cholistasis front however. When I spoke with the doctor I primarily see, Dr. Erhart, he explained that my numbers are only slightly elevated and therefore not a huge concern right at the moment. We don’t have to schedule any induction dates or anything just yet. I went for new blood work and should get those results tomorrow night at my appointment. Fingers crossed for low numbers (thinking around a 10 would be great although I really have no idea what that number represents). He is very calming and for that I am grateful! I could use some calm in my life!

As Christmas approaches, my belly continues to grow, my heartburn continues to increase in intensity and my baby’s arrival gets closer!

50 days to go!!!

Almost Decorated. Almost.

I am one step closer to decorating. Don’t judge. It’s hard being pregnant. Sitting across from me on my other couch are bags from Michaels and from Walmart with decorations and Christmas cheer galore. My father is also bringing over the decorations I have had stored in his basement for a few years later today. Now I just have to find the time (and energy) to actually do something with it all. Yesterday wasn’t my fault – I had to be at Michele’s house all afternoon because she had a cleaning company come (no, she’s not spoiled and lazy. This is the first time in over a year as part of her Christmas gift since she just had her fourth baby and has no time to thoroughly clean before decorating) and Jay didn’t want the house to be empty while they were there. They took the kids for their annual picture with Santa – but I have to say, it’s with THE best Santa I have ever seen. Truly. In years. I have never seen a better one. He’s the one at the Smithhaven Mall and he looks so…real! So Christmasy and Santa’ish and loveable. Every single year – it’s terrific. Picture came out great – I LOVE those kids! Then I watched all four of them again last night so that Michele and Jay could go “do holiday errands.” They got home close to midnight.

In the meantime, I got to give Allie her first (and second) bottle! I loved feeding her – she was looking up at me with those big mostly-blue-but-might-change-to-brown eyes. It reminded me how needy they are. They depend on you for everything and I just adore it. We did have a slight bathroom mishap – I had her on her changing table to change her poopy diaper and just as I took it off of her, she decided it would be a great time to poop and pee again. It went everywhere. Sprayed. She’s lucky she’s so cute. So I had to wash her down, re-lotion her so Michele didn’t smell the mishap from miles away at Toys R Us, change the changing pad, put on wash, and re-dress her. I loved every second of it. (But my goodness, it’s much harder to do even simple things when you are carrying a newborn.)

I’m glad I am only having one at this point. I was holding her, all bundled in her pjs and then her sleep sack and then her leopard print blanket, in the den. She was just about to fall asleep as I rocked her in my arms and then I hear what I think is another child crying. I had a slight moment of, “What am I supposed to do?” I went with putting Allie down on the couch in the Bobby and padding her and the Boppy as if I were leaving her for a fortnight. (I even put two couch pillows on the floor next to her in case she suddenly developed super-human newborn strength and flipped herself out of the Boppy’s hold). I ran into the bedroom and Jared was whining for his “pipey.” That is his pacifier. Otherwise known as his crack-cocaine. He needs it to sleep. I replaced his pipey and went back to Allie. Shockingly, she hadn’t moved an inch. I scooped her back up and was rocking her again, very proud that I handed this incredibly stressful and challenging situation. “Biiiissssy…,” I hear again. (That’s what my nephews call me. Long story. But I am Aunt Bissy.) Crap. Allie down and secured again, another run to Jared – this time to rub his back for a few minutes, give him his pipey and then escape back to check that Allie hasn’t walked to the other side of the room as I have pictured while I am putting Jared back to sleep. Success. Again, I felt proud. Which is pretty pathetic. But I did.

Not focusing on F today. Not focusing on my possible cholistasis and early induction. Just focusing on work. And then decorating – promise!!!

61 days to go!!! (or 40????)

Christmas Decorating Makes Everything All Better...Even Cholistasis

A rough night but better morning. Last night, around 9:30, I started thinking too much. I can’t believe work has been so slow. My paycheck is going to be awful next week. How am I going to pay all of my bills? That conversation with F about the cholistasis was beyond frustrating. Why can’t we just make things work? This is not how I envisioned my relationship with the father of my child. What if my baby really is in danger inside of me? The internet said cholistasis can cause still births. I do NOT want an induction. Please, God, no induction. And so, I went to bed. I called it a night. I am actually proud that I chose that option, as opposed to sitting up and thinking, getting myself worked up. (And no - all of those thoughts is not considered "worked up" to me.) Because this morning is already better.

I made a trip to Michael’s to buy things for my Christmas mason jar project – what beautiful holiday things they had! I spent close to $100 that I shouldn’t have (and no, not all of it will fit in mason jars), but it was all so pretty and I know that having my house decorated is going to make me so happy! And that’s good for Baby, right??!! It’s all about the baby ;) So later today and tonight, I will begin the decorating. I am heading out to Walmart shortly to buy things to bake some cookies as well – may as well go all the way. A regular Christmas-versioned Martha Stewart. But when work is slow, I may as well take advantage instead of sitting at my laptop all day, staring at my email, willing work to come in. That’s sort of pointless.

So a happy face it is today. Decorations, cookies, holidays – all good things to focus on in this crazy, crazy life. At least until I find out, officially, if I won the Power Ball last night. Then I may re-focus. :)

62 days to go (or 41…..)

New Doctor and New Condition...At This Stage??

Okay – no decorating got started. But I have a good excuse. Last night, my actual sonogram went really well. It started with F calling me an hour beforehand and telling me that him and his mother were going to get there 25 minutes early “just in case” the doctor was running early. I had to shake my head – if I wasn’t going early, was he going to have them do an ultrasound on his womb? (Head shake). Anyway, Baby looks great! They estimate him/her (her) to be at 4 lbs 9 oz – that sounded big to me with 9 weeks to go! But my belly measures perfectly so no worries. Every little part of the baby looked great and we got to see him/her (her) yawning and blinking and moving. It’s so very cool every single time.

But then I went in to meet with the doctor. My doctor has two doctors within the practice. Up until this point, I have been dealing with Dr. Erhart but last night I met with the other doctor for the first time. She comes in, listens to Baby's heartbeat, measures my belly – all the typical stuff. Everything looks and sounds “perfect.” Sigh of relief. Then she says, “Has anyone talked to you about your liver enzymes?” I told her not recently – I had them checked in earlier blood work just as a precaution because I had complained about itchiness very early on in my pregnancy. She explained that they are elevated and (and all of this came very quickly and as a blob of mixed information to me) I have a condition called cholistasis which can cause fetal distress later in pregnancy so they “like to take the baby” the moment it reaches full term. As of now, “full term” has typically been considered 37 weeks although March of Dimes and others are pushing for it to be changed until 39 weeks because of all the development that happens between those two weeks. Anyway, in the meantime, she tells me I will be sent for more blood work and will begin getting an ultrasound and a fetal monitor every week from now until I deliver. Then she handed me paperwork and left. I was sort of in shock and then spent the next fifteen minutes scheduling all of these appointments with the receptionist. I left upset. The last thing I wanted with this pregnancy was an induction. (And yes, I know. We can’t plan everything. And we don’t always get what we want. But this was where my head was at the moment – like the spoiled girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who demands the Golden Ticket. I would refuse to have an induction.)

By the time I got to Michele’s, I was really confused. I felt like I didn’t ask her any questions nor did I express my concerns about the baby or an induction. I just nodded and smiled like a polite patient and was left…confused. I hadn’t really understood if I did have this cholistasis or if they think I might. I don’t understand what causes it and what I really need to be concerned about. There was also the financial aspect too that was beginning to stress me – it sounds menial compared to the other concerns, but it’s just as real. I have a $130 deductible charge for every sonogram and I just scheduled up to 9 more! Michele told me not to stress about anything until I spoke with Dr. Erhart (easy for her to say, although she is probably correct). So this morning I called and made an appointment with him for next week. One of the reasons I adore him is because he is very laid back and very calming. I am hoping he hasn’t lost this magic touch with me. So…I wait. Of course, I Googled things I shouldn’t have. I read the horror stories and, intellectually at least, dismissed them. But I’d be lying if I told you I slept well last night. I will write down all of my questions for Thursday and will take my mom with me so I don’t leave and feel like I did last night, “Wait – what did she say about that?”

But today is a new day. And I am off to watch my nephews and niece (I still can’t believe I have a niece) so Michele and Jay can run to Justin’s parent-teacher conference.

63 days to go!!! (Or, oh dear God, 42 if I have to go at full term…gulp)