Breastfeeding Class

So – breastfeeding. Another completely “natural” thing that every woman talks up. (I hope this feels much more “natural” than my entire pregnancy has!) I attended a class at my OB/GYN’s office with a woman named Julie Ocon. She came highly recommended from the nurse that I took my birthing/Lamaze class with (and whom I loved). They are both nurses at St. Charles hospital in Port Jefferson where I will be delivering my little bundle. So far, everyone there has been fantastic and I think I am going to have a great experience. (It is also the hospital where I was born which is pretty damn cool!)

Anyway, there was only one other pregnant girl at the class besides myself. I say “girl” because she seemed a bit young to me – probably early twenties. Very early. She was also in my Lamaze class. It was great – one instructor, two pregnant women (and a friend of the younger girl who came for “moral support.”) Some of the class was a bit introductory for me as I feel like I have been around breastfeeding for most of my life. I have three younger siblings, innumerable younger cousins and now four nieces/nephews who were breastfed. But Julie then explained all of the positions you can hold the baby in and how to correctly latch (the entire areola, ladies, until they look like they are suffocating – not just the nipple!) and it made me feel… calm. Calm is a feeling that I go for – it is always better than the state I started in and brings me instant peace. Therefore, I loved Julie.

Some concerns: (1) the younger pregnant woman was reading the handouts and whispers to her friend, “Oh, awesome. I can’t get pregnant while I am breastfeeding.” The friend says, “Oh really? Cool.” Instant moral dilemma: do I butt out and mind my own business or do I warn her that this is not entirely accurate and save an unplanned, impending pregnancy? I took too long to work this out and the moment passed. She might be back in Lamaze in about 11 months. (2) Julie tells us we should not be actively dieting while we are breastfeeding and instead should take in an extra 200-300 calories daily. Younger pregnant woman says, “So I shouldn’t be eating healthy when I breastfeed?” Julie paused, but to her credit didn’t slap her, and said, “You should be eating healthy, just as you do during your pregnancy, but you should not be actively trying to lose weight.” Pregnant girl, “I don’t think I understand the difference.”

Sigh. I know it may sound mean, but these things make me feel so much better about becoming a mom. I can do this. I completely understand that I can get pregnant while breastfeeding and I also can tell you the difference, quite specifically, between eating healthy and actively dieting. So my baby and I are already a step up the way I see it. Right?

71 days to go!!!

Kisses, Snuggles, and Worries

What an Allie-filled weekend I have had – kisses, snuggles, photo shoots, diapers, and more kisses. I can’t get enough of her! Back to work this morning – very hard to do when I know she is only about 5 minutes away. I already am staring at the clock counting down until I can see her tonight. Makes me very excited…

So I promised an update on the F front. Nothing positive, unfortunately. This past week felt like a bit of a whirlwind for me and it’s been quite emotional at times. My sister having the baby made me think. A lot. Mostly, about what it will be like for me. It made me sad that the nights that she and Jay were the only ones left at the hospital might be very different for me. They probably couldn’t wait until everyone left and it was only them and the baby. I am wondering if I will feel the same. Can I share that much joy with someone whom I am not in a serious relationship with?

Our communication has completely broken down. Right before the hurricane, I started to become a bit disappointed and frustrated that F was not doing anything. He says a lot about what he wants and what he’s ready for, but I wasn’t seeing anything. I started to feel like, unless I initiated something (conversations, get-togethers, dinners with his parents), nothing would happen. I was correct. I stopped and it all stopped. He didn’t speak to me after the birthing class (which I thought went well) until he showed up at the end of my surprise shower. Since then, not a word. He sent a beautiful (and delicious) Edible Arrangements gift to my sister in the hospital yet didn’t even acknowledge my niece to me – not a text, phone call, Facebook message, nothing. That was a point well made (although the reason behind the point is very unclear to me). I have been telling others and myself that it wasn’t bothering me – that this was his choice and I was not here to always fix everything – but it was bothering me. So yesterday morning, I called him in the hopes of having a talk about whatever it is that is going on with him. He didn’t pick up and then didn’t call me back for more than 8 hours later. Even then, he called my house and didn’t even try my cell. That spoke volumes as well. So, alas, today I will try again even though part of me feels it shouldn’t have to be me always trying to make things right. But I don’t know what else to do.

I look at baby Allie and when I tell you, my heart swells with how much I love her already. I don’t want my own experience with my own baby to be hindered, in the least, by a stressful situation between F and I. But I’m just afraid because it takes two and I am not getting the cooperation from him. (It drives me crazy, also, when something doesn’t make sense to me. And this just makes no sense. None.) I will continue to try, though. I don’t know what else to do.

In the meantime, my living room still looks like Babies R us and Buy Buy Baby threw up. I have not put away one item from my baby shower! Hopefully this week!  And tomorrow I will tell you about the breastfeeding class I attended in case any of you are looking for one – it was wonderful!

72 days to go!!!

Product Push and Allie

Product push: the Mamaroo! Anyone expecting needs to run out and add it to your registry or go purchase one. It is the newest bouncer/swing combination and besides looking tremendously cool and modern, the baby already loves it! I registered for it but didn’t receive it as a gift so I was going to let it slide – not after seeing Allie in it. She looks so calm and peaceful and unlike the bassinette, she doesn’t scream when you put her in it! We tested out the nature and the car sounds with her yesterday – both a hit!

Anyway – back to the baby – she’s precious. Just a perfect, little angel. On Wednesday, my mother and I left before 10 a.m. to go buy everything pink that they sell at Babies R Us. (We did a pretty decent job). After spending over one thousand dollars, we went back to Michele’s prepared to turn the neutral/boy’ish nursery into a home fit for a princess. In between, and again, after visiting hours, we girlified Allie’s new room – it is beautiful! We purchased the Kidsline Fleur bedding set and all matching accessories at Babies R Us. It is to die for. We also bought wall letters to spell out her name and adorable floral wall decals. Together, the two of us bought every outfit that was either pink, purple, or had some sort of tutu attached to it. We then emptied out her nursery and started from scratch – in just over three hours, it was transformed. We then hung every outfit and legging and hair accessory all over the room – on the crib, the changing table, the blinds – and locked the door. We didn’t allow Jay to see it so that he could be surprised with Michele when she came home.

They loved it – I really think they did! She was shocked when she saw how feminine the room looked after having three boys take their turn in there! She didn’t get to look through every single outfit yet, but I am sure she will. She loved what she saw and I think she knows that it is perfect for Allie! Every time I went in there to change her diaper yesterday, the room made me happy – it just screams little girl! (And, the more I keep thinking “girl,” the higher my chances are to have one. Right?)

Speaking of my own, there have been some developments on the “F front” which I will update you about tomorrow. In the meantime, I just have to go see Allie. Five minutes ago :) I already adore her and miss her! (Plus, I want to have a hand in the next outfit she wears!)

Have I mentioned how blessed I am recently? Extremely.

75 days to go!!!

Allie Comes Home! (Plus Michele's Birthing Story)

Literally running around my house this morning because I cannot get out fast enough! I am going to watch my youngest nephew, Jared, so that Jay can go pick up Michele and Allie from the hospital and bring them home! It still has not sunk in – it’s a girl. A little pink, delicate, feminine girl. We’ve never had one of those!

Michele, once again, made everything having to do with birth look so simple and easy. She started having contractions early evening on Monday and I got my hopes up – I was set to go to the hospital that night! She kept telling me they were irregular and not strong enough but that they were there. I slept with my cell and my home phone next to my head waiting for the call – it didn’t come. At 10 a.m. on Tuesday, Justin had an assembly for Veteran’s Day at his school to which he invited my father as “his” veteran. I decided to go. When we got there, I quickly saw Michele was having contractions on the school bleachers! They were about 15 minutes apart. After the assembly, she wanted to go out to eat! (Here’s where you’ll start to see our differences. I would have been on self-induced bedrest from the night before, the moment I felt the first contraction. She cooked dinner, went to a Scentsy party, attended an assembly and now wanted to go to the damned diner). At breakfast, her contractions continued coming and they were 9 minutes apart. She had a scheduled appointment with her OB (who also happens to be my OB) at 1:15. At about 1:45 I got the text from Jay, “It’s go time!” She was 4 cm dilated and he was sending them to St. Charles hospital (about 4 minutes away from his office). I flew there. We both got there a few minutes after 2.

They gave her the epidural fairly quickly (maybe around 4:30) and then they broke her water close to 5 pm. I was in the labor and delivery room with them up until that point. She then started becoming a bit uncomfortable and so I left, leaving just Jay and Michele. When Dr. Erhart broke her water at 5, she told him, “I’ll be ready in about 45 minutes.” He checked her at 5:45 and said she was about 8 cm dilated. At 5:55, Jay texted, “They are setting up!” and at 6:03, little Allie was born! She pushed for a max of eight minutes. Can you feel my jealousy? Is it jumping off the page? Because it’s there. I hope this is one of the very few things we have in common as twins: please, Lord, let me deliver babies just like my sister. By 6:15, I was back in the labor and delivery room but with one extra, little 6 lb 9 oz person :) I fell in love, again, at approximately 6:16 pm.

Now, I get to go welcome her into her home and love her up! (I cannot wait until it’s my turn! But for now, I will love every single delicious moment of my new niece!!!!)

76 days left!!!

I'm An Aunt....Again! To a Niece...for the first time!

I am beyond exhausted and, very unusually for me, I am writing this late at night – just after midnight as a matter of fact. I have very good reason: I became an aunt again today! But this time…to a little GIRL!!!!! I cannot begin to tell you, especially in my state of exhaustion, how blessed and over the moon I feel. My niece was born tonight at 6:03 pm after mommy started feeling contractions late last night. A GIRL! After three boys, they finally got their little girl. I couldn’t be happier for them – she is, of course, perfection. Absolute perfection.

I will fill you in with more details tomorrow when my eyes are fully opened and my head stops spinning. I am on thinking/feeling overload. This is what overwhelmed feels like. I have feelings and thoughts about today and about my own situation and I certainly will not do those thoughts any justice before at least seven hours of sleep. Please forgive me.

For now, I welcome to the world my already loved, adored, spoiled, delicious little Allie Giuliana.

78 days to go!!! (technically 77)

My Baby Shower!

What a weekend Baby and I had – it was my baby shower!!! I was completely surprised (shocked is as close as you can get to describe it) and overwhelmed! I was supposed to be watching my three nephews on Saturday so that my Michele and Jay could go to a family party. She texted me at noon and said she was running late (not unusual) and she’d bring them by closer to one. At 12:30 she called, in tears, and said, “Can you please come get me? My car won’t start at Home Goods and the boys are going nuts!” I left the house like a lunatic, rushing there, so stressed that she was going to cry and then go into labor! When I was about halfway there (dressed, mind you, in a not-so-nice sweater, jeans and boots) she texted me that she was walking – walking – to my aunt’s who lives close by (but not close enough). I freaked out even more and told her NOT to do that! I could picture her walking down Route 347 with the three boys, nine months pregnant – I was pissed! I swear to you, I almost got diarrhea on the way there, I was so stressed. Then she texted that she made it there safely and to meet them at the clubhouse where the boys were now having fun playing pool with our uncle. I pulled up like a crazy person (after calling my mother’s cell phone, her car phone, Jay’s house and cell phone and anyone else I could think of to yell at on repeat) only to look up and see close to fifty people that I know and love standing on the porch of the clubhouse. I thought, “Oh dear God, this is happening.” I then cried for a few minutes because I was so relieved my stupid sister didn’t walk down Route 347 with three kids and then because I was so overcome with emotions – surprise, appreciation, nervousness – you get the idea. Plus the hormones. Always blame the hormones.

My mom and two sisters created the most stunning, classy baby shower I could ever have asked for: Panera iced green tea (my fave!) in mason jars, yellow and green balloons, yellow flowers on every table next to cream-colored stuffed animals – it was beautiful and my description will do it no justice. The dessert table looked like a professional company had come in and created it – but my two sisters did it. (Gotta love Pinterest!) When they managed to do all of this, I don’t know, because I am always around! What a beautiful afternoon – I had friends there from my first teaching job and from law school and also, of course, every female representative from my huge, extended, loud, crazy family.

When I got home that night, after F and his parents left (they came back to my parents’ after the shower to help unload the gifts and eat leftovers), I couldn’t stop smiling. Looking around my living room, overflowing with gifts for Baby, I was the happiest girl in the world. I feel so blessed. I am surrounded with people that love and support me and, better yet, people that already love this baby. As my friend Amanda said the following day, “It looked like Babies R Us threw up!” And it did. It still does. I will spend some time today, with Michele and my mom’s help, going through everything and starting to organize it. I received everything I could possible need to get this baby off to a great start. How lucky am I? How grateful? I can’t tell you. The shower was so…me. My sisters and mom nailed it – when Michele handed me the green tea in the mason jar when I walked in, I swear my heart swelled. I thought, “this is PERFECT.”

My cup runneth over…

79 days to go!!! (We’re in the seventies!!!)

Inside Out Underwear and Adam

I did not purchase the watch. (Applause accepted). I need a bit more time to strategize about my holiday gift-giving and even if I do decide to buy for all siblings, then I shouldn’t spend as much as the watch was going to cost. So – for now – settled. Baby agrees – I asked, he/she kicked.

I just realized as I sat down to write this (because sitting down – well, really any switching of positions – takes a lot of physical adjustment these days) that my underwear are on inside out. I felt the tag and when I went to fix it, I discovered my error. I could have cried. I have on skinny jeans and boots. You women who have been pregnant can probably appreciate the effort that took me this morning and the thought of taking it all off so that I can right-side-out my underwear was enough to bring me to tears. So another command decision – I am not fixing it. Today, my underwear will be inside out and anyone who doesn’t like that can kiss my inside-out butt. (Now I have to pray all day that I don’t get into a car accident or go into early labor or have any other reason for medical personnel to have to cut my pants off. I’d die of embarrassment alone.)

So with some very trivial points out of the way, I am sitting here writing but, honestly, am a bit distracted today. I am waiting for my nephew, Adam, to arrive any minute. He’s five years old and has the BEST personality in the world. He was born with a cleft lip and palate. Talk about earth shattering news – my sister and brother-in-law were told at her 20-week sonogram that the baby had this cleft and it felt as if our world stopped spinning. I quickly became an expert on babies with clefts – I read everything there was to read about it online. When I ran out of online material, I bought books and read those. I joined online chat and support groups. This was very new to our family and we wanted to be prepared. When this little guy arrived I was in the delivery room. Michele asked me to go in with her and Jay and although I am the biggest baby you will ever (ever) meet, I could not say no because I knew she wanted me there to reassure her that he was adorable and would be loved by all. I was scared out of my damn mind. Then, he came out. I could have died – my little “Squishy” I started calling him. He was (and I am not just being biased) THE cutest newborn baby you ever did see. He was perfect and then he had this small little opening between his nostril and his mouth on one side of his nose. I remember staring at that hole – the cleft – and thinking, “this is what all the fuss has been about?!” He was running his tongue in and out of the cleft and I thought, immediately, that it was the cutest thing I have ever seen and that he, of course, was a genius. Not in the least bit subjective.

Fast forward five years and the little guy has undergone numerous surgeries, cosmetic and medical, to correct the cleft. If you saw him on a playground today, or even years ago, you’d never know. His doctors at NYU were the best (because of course that was part of the insane amount of research and preparing done by Michele and Jay) and this guy is such a fighter. A happy, loud, carefree, honest little boy. Today he is back at his dentist – Dr. Campizi, the best pediatric dentist in the area – getting a palate expander put in. It will connect to an outer piece of headwear that Adam will need to wear every minute of every day (except for when he’s at school) for the next 6-8 months. I don’t know how he’s going to take it. He’s old enough to not cooperate and to voice his dislike and discomfort but he’s also too young to really rationalize with if he doesn’t do well with it. My heart aches for him. I swear I would wear the damn thing twice as long if I could do it for him. He’s been through so much and he’s so positive and so happy…this is just another obstacle for him to overcome. He called me about an hour ago from the waiting room. “Hi Aunt Bissy – I’m here waiting!” I told him to be brave and he told me he is getting the “magic air” again (sweet air) and he actually sounded excited. I hope he does well. So, as I write this, I am staring out my front window waiting for them to get here so I can see him and hug him. I hope it goes well for so many reasons. Michele is due with her fourth baby in 16 days and if Adam gets upset, she might just break down and lose it (which happens much less frequently with her as it does with me). Fingers crossed my little Squishy takes this well.

If I love my nephews this much, how much am I going to love my own baby? Hard to fathom.

82 days to go!!!