Reading back my introduction was a tad depressing...I certainly didn't highlight the bright side of my current situation and so, for my sanity and yours, I will do so now:
For starters, I actually survived a full-term pregnancy. This was questionable as I have religiously passed out at doctors' visits since around the age of 9. Literally - like lose-consciousness-pass out. And I didn't die in labor. This may sound dramatic, but for me it was quite the feat. My labor and delivery nurse said I had a "very classy" delivery. Thank God she couldn't hear inside my head. But I'll save that post for a rainy day...
The best thing about being a mother is...everything. Looking at this perfect, teeny tiny little human that YOU created. It's still surreal to me. I created every finger and every toe. That drool is MINE. I made it. I somehow made those gorgeous, ice blue eyes that already have stories to tell, those chubby cheeks that belong on a diaper commercial.
Before my daughter, I had three nephews and one niece (all from my twin sister who "loves" being pregnant and "enjoys" giving birth - again, another post for a rainy day...). And I thought I knew love. I mean, I LOVE those kids, especially the boys. (My niece came when I was 7 months pregnant and actively trying not to die every day). They were my life - I saw them almost every single day. When I lived in Manhattan, I came home every single weekend because I couldn't not see them. Everything they said was the cutest thing any child has ever said, every sneeze they sneezed was the most adorable sneeze I had ever heard. I would have given my life for them. And so when I found out I was pregnant, I thought, "Now I can love my own just like that."
Then, they laid her on my chest. My daughter. The girl I had willed into existence for 40 weeks. Her gender was a surprise at the birth (I needed some motivation to push that thing out!) but I "knew" (read: prayed, begged, willed, hoped) that it was a girl from the moment I knew I was pregnant. I called her "her" and Juliette throughout my entire pregnancy. I actually made a friend cry and beg me to "please stop saying that! what if it's a boy?!" But that prayer was answered. I just needed a girl - I can't explain it, but I needed her. And I got her. So that is when I started to really understand a mother's love for her child. And how it is different than loving your nephews or your niece. I'd still lay down in front of a train for those kids without blinking an eye. However, for Juliette, I would lay down in front of the train but then get back up, chase it down, and personally kill the conductor that almost hurt my daughter. Slight difference.
Because now she is my world. Nothing else matters. Not my love life (ok, that insinuates I have one...sorry), not my highlights (got them done one time after she was born. I currently look homeless), not my collection of jeans or how they are organized in my walk-in closet. Just her. And I suppose that, generally speaking, is the bright side.
My life has changed in every, single possible way. I was happy before I had her. I was happy before I was pregnant. I've always been extremely blessed. But then Juliette came and now all of the good things in my life are a bit better and all of the sparkly things I had shine a bit brighter. Because she is my perfect. I will not be that parent that thinks their child is everyone's perfect; I am fully aware that others can easily refrain from biting her cheeks and wiping her drool and making her laugh just one more time. But she certainly is my perfect. So all the other nonsense that I wrote about in my introduction - it's really just nonsense. As a wise friend told me, it's like a mosquito buzzing around our perfect little world: it's there, it's annoying, I can't always ignore it. But it's just a mosquito.
So the bright side is extremely bright around here. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that. And now...off to conquer my To-Do-While-Juliette-Is-With-Her-Father list so the time passes quickly. Remind yourself, today, of your bright side.
Love,
Momeo and Juliette
XOXO
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