30 Weeks and...Scared??!!

30 weeks today! This was a milestone for me. Laying in bed this morning, looking at my BabyBump app (proudly claiming “30 Weeks – 3^rd Trimester – 70 more days!), I was so thankful. I’m at the point where I can deliver any time now and still stay at St. Charles hospital (not be transferred to Stony Brook or elsewhere). It sounds insignificant, but it’s one less thing to worry about. So I woke up smiling and grateful and optimistic.

After playing my daily morning tune for Baby (“When You’ve Got Trouble, I’ve Got Trouble Too” by Liz Longley), I went in the shower to get ready for the day. Five minutes in, I started crying. Yes, actual crying – tears, snots, all of it. I was thinking back on last week when my sister had the baby and it just happened. Now, those of you who are cringing and thinking me a tad bit crazy have probably never been pregnant. Those of you who are smirking or even chuckling at that likely have carried a child. Maybe you cried over eating the last cooking or dropping something you couldn’t then pick up, but it happens: one minute you are fine, the next minute you are crying.

I realized that I am scared. I am so scared. I am scared of when the time comes. What if I can’t do it? What if I completely break down and cannot handle childbirth? What if I don’t do what I’m supposed to do? And, worse of all, what if I don’t react like a good mother? If I don’t respond like everyone else? It petrifies me. I want to make everyone proud. I want to make the baby proud. I want to make myself proud.

Eventually, I stopped crying. (That happens too). I am now back to being a functional adult, mentally running down my To-Do list today: work, put together bassinet, possibly return a few duplicate items from my baby shower before the holiday shopping rush begins the day after tomorrow. And I am back to focusing on all of the good in my life. No, the great: The front yard of my house is cleared out today because my father and brother-in-law did it yesterday. My living room is looking less and less like a Babies R Us stock room because I put some things away in the nursery yesterday. I have a busy day today only because tomorrow is a work-free, family and food-filled day. And…I am 30 weeks along with a health pregnancy and a growing little mush inside of me. No more tears today. I have way too much to be thankful for. I hope that if you are having a rough time today, you cry in the shower like this crazy girl and then re-focus yourself on all that you do have. Especially if that includes any little people that you created and now love. A very happy Thanksgiving to all!

70 days to go!!!