I am cranky today. I know I shouldn’t be – I had a few days
off of work, a very nice Thanksgiving with the extended family and time with my
new niece. But I can’t help it – yesterday (usually one of my favorite days
because it was a Sunday) was a waste for me. I got up and ready with the best
of intentions and a To-Do list half a mile long, but then got a gas pain at
around noon. It did not go away until 7:30 pm!!!!! Awful. Torture. I was in
quite a bit of pain and spent the day doing anything anyone suggested to get
rid of it: Tums, Gas-X (yes, I am allowed to take both while pregnant), moving
around, lying still, drinking milk, eating, not eating – I tried it. I
accomplished nothing. Grrr. Now today is Monday. Back to normalcy. Boo. (And
people wonder why I can’t wait to have this baby on the outside!!??)
Also, I met with F two nights ago at my house to “talk.”
That likely didn’t help my gas pains. I had a knot in my stomach leading up to
his visit because two days prior to that, we had exchanged words on the phone.
Very rarely do we both get upset, but we did that day and I try to avoid
getting stressed and upset as much as possible these days. We are just on two
very different pages right now and that leads to difficulty. He told me he is
having trouble accepting that we are no longer together and might not ever be
(certainly won’t be by the time Baby arrives). That colors his judgment of
everything involving me, leading to his unhappiness, anger and frustration. I
told him, quite honestly, that I did not know what I could do about that and
that I have no clue how to make this situation better while he is still stuck
in that place. He decided he may need some time away from me (not that we spend
much time together) to fully move on. I acknowledged that that choice is his
prerogative but that it would also come with consequences; in other words, if I
don’t see him or hear from him for 6 weeks and then go into labor, I don’t want
him upset when he’s not the one I am looking to for comfort and help. That
seemed to puzzle him. I thought we had made some headway towards the end of the
conversation but as he was walking out, he told me how he was out at a bar the
night before, playing QuickDraw and hit for $550. Sigh. This after me
mentioning how much this baby has already changed my life, especially
financially! He doesn’t seem to get it yet.
So I need a new focus today. Or at least Starbucks ;) That always helps. Maybe I will treat myself to a Peppermint Mocha on my lunch
break – always helps any mood I am in. (Yes, it’s caffeinated. Don’t judge.
It’s just one grande.) And tonight I will try to make Christmas decorations
with the million Mason jars I have left over from my baby shower. I hear there
are some great ideas in Pinterest. I’ll share any great ones I may find. Starbucks
and Pinterest should do the trick – cross your fingers :)
65 days to go!!!
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